I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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