I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
