After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
