you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
