My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
