yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
