you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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