I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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