Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
