JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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