We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her vagine was all disorganized.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
