just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
