Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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