I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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