I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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