@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
