How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
