He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
