That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wear drunk well.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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