you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
