you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
