I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
