peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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