Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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