32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
