It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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