he wants to bone in the snuggie
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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