I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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