Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
