it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
