This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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