I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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