I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
