It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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