a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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