youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
