Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
