so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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