It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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