but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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