No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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