I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
