She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
