Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Randomize
