WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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