happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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