I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
