We won't sleep together?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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