she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
