3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
