I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
