Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize