Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
