Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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