Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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