Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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