just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
