That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
