I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize