I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
