Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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