Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
