I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize