and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
