um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
