I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
