Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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