After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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