Already got asked if we're dating
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
