I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
