Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
