he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
