I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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