wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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