I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
