dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
