You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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