So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
