I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this hospital has no fireball
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
