I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
