I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
