I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
