Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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