I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize