haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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