Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
