my being single is dangerous.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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