Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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