They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
