do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
