By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
