the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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