Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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