so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
