you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
