I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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