spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
