if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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