i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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