my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
