I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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