Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
