You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
