Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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