You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
