I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
